


you're gravity (you pull me down)

by Cathalinaheart



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Civil War (Marvel), Dark!Steve Rogers - Freeform, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, Gaslighting, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28195548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathalinaheart/pseuds/Cathalinaheart
Summary: “Steve,” Tony’s voice took a pleading tone. “When the time comes we might have to choose between bad and worse. I have plans, but they all rely on compromise.”“We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” Steve replied, voice hard. “And I will not negotiate with the government for the life of our people, Tony. They aren’t bargaining chips!”Steve was getting louder towards the end and he saw Tony twitching like he wanted to flinch away from him.“Please,” Tony’s voice was just above a whisper. “You don’t know what they have planned. We might not get any other choice.”
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22
Collections: Stony's Sad Secret Santa





	you're gravity (you pull me down)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dirigibleplumbing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirigibleplumbing/gifts).



> Massive thanks to kiyaar and oluka for beta reading, to law for the brainstorming session without this story wouldn't exist at all and to Loran, lena (not lena) and shellhead<3winghead for brainstorming at various stages.
> 
> The original prompt was: In Casualties of War, Tony says, "They idolize you, Steve. We all do. And, consciously or not... you're using that." What if Steve is doing it consciously? What if he decides to use Tony's feelings for him? Maybe to win him over to Steve's side, maybe to intentionally destroy him emotionally.

1

“You look worried,” Steve said. He was lying comfortably in bed next to Tony, who’d been tense ever since he came back from his last meeting.

“It’s nothing,” Tony tried to dismiss.

Steve’s brows furrowed. He liked to give Tony the chance to come to him on his own, share his worries and pains with him. They were a couple now after all, but Tony would always be Tony. Talking about emotions was like pulling teeth. It was a wonder they ever managed to talk about them long enough to get together in the first place.

So Steve always had to prod and poke, because when Tony didn’t tell him something of his own device it usually meant that Steve needed to know about it asap. See Extremis and the following mess that ended with Tony actively stopping his own heart as a start. It was just like Tony to choose the flashiest, most self-sacrificial, stupidest way to act.

Steve sat up and pulled Tony into his lap. Carefully he let his hands dig into the tense flesh at Tony’s shoulders and neck.

“You’re so tense,” Steve observed, while Tony was becoming butter under his hands. “You sure there is nothing wrong?”

It may be playing dirty, but it was a good way to get Tony to let down his guard.

Tony let out a sigh and leaned slightly forward shifting the position of Steve’s hands on his back.

“It’s really nothing you need to worry about...yet” Tony replied, the ‘yet’ so silent that Steve wasn’t sure if he would have heard it without his enhanced hearing.

Steve could feel anger rising up in him. It felt too similar to what Tony had told him about Extremis. And Steve had been too late to be of any help to Tony then. Stubborn bastard.

“Yet?” Steve thought he was doing a good job of keeping his voice calm. “That means I will need to worry about it eventually. Please, Tony, I love you, don’t shoulder the burden alone until the last second.”

Tony turned around and stared at Steve like he was searching for something.

“You won’t like it,” he said finally.

Yeah, that was what Steve had been worried about.

“We have been through this, Tony. We’re always better when we talk about things.”

Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” Carefully he took Steve’s hands in his own, anchoring them. Now, with Extremis, Tony was probably strong enough to restrain Steve, if only for a moment, and Steve couldn’t tell whether Tony was now seeking comfort, offering comfort, or just wishing he were able to stop Steve from acting out irrationally.

“It’s the government.” Nothing good ever started with that, Steve knew from experience. But he also wasn’t surprised. Tony had had a lot of dinners with Senators and Congressmen the last week.

“With everything that has been happening: the thing with Wanda, Nick’s Secret War, the attack on the mansion... they are getting scared of supers. We know how they treat people they are scared of.” Steve’s mind drifted to the mutants.

“Yeah, exactly,” Tony said and if it weren’t obvious and Tony could easily read his expression, he might have wondered if Extremis had given Tony telepathic abilities too.

“They have a lot of ideas, each one worse than the next. So far they don’t have enough public support to actually implement anything. But Steve, one wrong move, one tiny misstep, is all it will take. And let’s be honest, in our line of work that’s just a matter of time. They know that too.”

Steve forced himself to unclench his jaw. He knew what a government scared of part of its own people was able to do. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, stand for it. He often wondered what happened to the America he loved. If it had ever existed, even.

“Steve,” Tony’s voice took a pleading tone. “When the time comes we might have to choose between bad and worse. I have plans, but they all rely on compromise.”

“We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” Steve replied, voice hard. “And I will not negotiate with the government for the life of our people, Tony. They aren’t bargaining chips!”

Steve was getting louder towards the end and he saw Tony twitching like he wanted to flinch away from him.

“Please,” Tony’s voice was just above a whisper. “You don’t know what they have planned. We might not get any other choice.”

Steve twisted his hands so he was now holding onto Tony’s. 

“There will always be a choice. We’re Avengers, we’ll find a way, you hear me?”

Tony closed his eyes, nodding reluctantly.

Steve hoped he was getting through to Tony because this had the potential to turn into a complete disaster. Extremis had changed Tony, and if anyone asked Steve, not for the better. Tony had always had the unfortunate habit of acting rashly, based on pure mathematics, disregarding any consideration of morals, but in the end, they had both always found a common ground, helping each other find solutions through pushing and prodding. But now? Tony’s already amazing brain had been amplified a thousandfold and Steve was scared of being left behind.

“But Steve, listen, I just want you to prepare yourself that we won’t find a different way. I’ve seen the plans and…” Tony shudders, “registration is preferable to what else they want to do. And it even makes a certain kind of sense.”

“Registration?” The blood in Steve’s veins turned to ice. He had seen the consequences of registering people that were different. The smell of the concentration camp they had liberated back in the war wasn’t something he could ever forget. “In what world would that make sense?”

“We should be able to be held accountable. And I know we started young, but do you ever feel like every new generation starts even younger? The kids need training, they shouldn’t be fighting yet.”

“So you want to draw a big target on their backs? Nevermind what the government would do with this information, you can’t possibly think any kind of registration list could be kept out of the villain’s hands. People have secret identities for a reason. You of all people should know that.”

“I am aware,” Tony said, grimacing. “But Villains can and do find out our identities already. And if the public doesn’t feel safe with us, what good will we be able to do? Besides, I’m not saying I want registration, just that from the choices that we’ll be offered it might be the best one.”

“Absolutely not,” Steve’s voice was harsh. “Tony, promise me you won’t do anything rash. Promise we’ll be doing this together.”

No matter what Tony might think, he didn’t get to make choices like this for other people. Math and physics couldn’t decide about human fates alone.

Deep inside him, Steve was starting to feel queasy. Surely it had to be an effect of Extremis that Tony was even entertaining this option. If it came down to it Steve was ready to fight Tony on this. He didn’t want to lose their relationship, they had fought hard for it and Steve still loved Tony. But was the man in front of him still  _ his _ Tony? Would it maybe be better to do everything he could to stop Tony from making a deal with the devil?

“Alright,” Tony said with more conviction than Steve had been expecting. “Together.”

“Together,” Steve promised.

2

Steve was pacing up and down in front of the television.

A couple of days ago Tony had received a letter from the Metahuman Investigations Committee, summoning him to testify in a closed session about the superhuman registration act. They kept moving forward with it, so by now, the plans were becoming public knowledge, which at least meant that Steve was learning more about the concrete details. Tony avoided talking about it as much as he could, despite clearly still talking to various politicians about it in private.

And now the committee had summoned him, wanting Tony’s opinion on it officially, as an industrialist, a former Secretary of Defense, and as Iron Man. Or rather as the former pilot of the Iron Man armor, Tony had worked hard to convince everyone he wasn’t Iron Man anymore.

Steve hadn’t been happy with it. Tony had sworn to everything he held dear that he would do everything in his power to stop the registration act from passing, that he already had a plan. Steve wanted to trust Tony, but these days he found himself struggling more and more with it. The fact that Tony said he saw circumstances in which he could justify registration…it made Steve’s skin crawl.

And then Steve had watched the interview Tony gave yesterday.

“The committee and I had a good meeting, and we discussed some options that, as far as I know, are still just that...options.”

Tony hadn’t called Steve and explained. Peter, who had accompanied Tony to Washington, had been standing behind him and was looking uncomfortable. Peter, who Steve was sure would never agree with registration. Spider-man’s secret identity was a huge thing for him.

And then Titanium man had attacked Tony. Spider-man of course had been right there to protect him. It made Steve wonder if the attack had been orchestrated. A nice show of why masked heroes were needed. It was an unkind thought, one that made Steve feel deeply uncomfortable with himself, but the mere thought that Tony might have colluded with a villain, orchestrated an attack that could have hurt civilians, could have caused unnecessary damage, made Steve’s skin crawl, and overshadowed everything else.

The television in the background cut to a replay of the fight. On the screen Titanium man threw Spider-man into a wall, leaving a distinctly human-shaped intend in the hard brickwork. Disgusted, Steve grabbed the remote and turned it off.

Tony should be home at any moment. After days of not hearing from him, Steve had finally gotten a text informing him Tony was coming home today. One lousy text. Did Tony not dare face Steve more directly? With Extremis turning Tony’s head into a living computer, he had no excuse that he couldn’t find time to call Steve.

Steve decided to hit up the gym and get rid of some of his pent up energy while he was waiting.

When Tony finally entered the room, his suit rumpled and the bags under his eyes covered by make-up, Steve had barely worked up a sweat.

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” Tony said and immediately went in for a hug, burying his face against Steve’s chest.

His arms came up automatically to encircle Tony.

“How did it go?” Steve asked. The ‘you didn’t call to keep me updated’ hung unspoken between them.

“Fine,” Tony answered. “As long as nothing happens that would turn public opinion massively around, I think we’ve muddied the water enough to slow down the process. We buy a year here, a year there, and sooner or later it will die on its own.”

“But you believe such an event is inevitable,” Steve replied.

Tony shrugged and pulled himself away from Steve.

“Isn’t it better to plan for the worst-case scenario?”

“And that justifies staging an attack on you?”

The way Tony winced confirmed that Steve’s stab in the dark was in fact correct.

“I needed to remind them that the SHRA would make the nation less capable of dealing with rogue or foreign superhuman threats,” Tony justified himself.

“By endangering civilians?” Steve asked incredulously. Then he added, softer, “Hell, you could have gotten hurt, too.”

“I’m trying!” Tony crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m doing everything in my power to stop this from happening!”

“Can’t you do anything the honest way?”

“I was talking to politicians, honesty is worth shit for them.”

“You’re supposed to be better, Tony.” Steve paused for a moment, thinking. “It’s Extremis, isn’t it? Ever since you got it has been messing with your humanity. Do you want to be a machine so desperately? Do your feelings for me not matter at all? You must be feeling bad about all this, deep inside you, and Tony, listen to that, that is what is still human, that is who you truly are supposed to be.”

Tony’s eyes were getting watery and he turned around in an attempt to hide the tears from Steve. Even the machine code was flawed.

Quickly Steve stepped forward, pulling Tony back into a hug.

“Sssh, Tony, it’s okay. I forgive you. You’ll do better next time. I still love you.”

“Love you too,” Tony replied, voice hoarse.

“I wish you would stop doing stupid things like these,” Steve whispered. “I wouldn’t need to reassure you all the time.”

“I -” Steve would never know what Tony had intended to say at that moment because his eyes glazed over black and he stumbled backward.

“Oh God.” All the color drained from Tony’s face, making the black eyes stand out even more. “Fuck. Shit.” Tony was already in the process of running out of the gym, obviously expecting Steve to follow. “Steve, grab your uniform, we need to get to Stamford, Connecticut.”

“Why? What happened?”

3

They spent hours digging bodies out of the rubble. First estimations were eight or nine hundred casualties. So many of them children. For what? A stupid reality TV show?

Steve was furious. Everyone was. They had sent the Sentinels to watch over the mutants that showed up to help with the rescue efforts. Even in a time of crisis, they refused to trust those that had proven themselves over and over again. This was not boding well for anyone.

The president had given a speech full of the required platitudes, giving his condolences and promising justice. Steve and Tony had stood side by side while they listened. Tony’s presence was like a fire at the edge of Steve’s mind. A painful reminder of the danger the next days would hold.

“I’m gonna do what I can,” Tony had said after and walked away with the president without giving Steve a chance to offer to accompany him.

Steve had been left in the ruins of buildings that had been full of life not too long ago. Instead of dealing with any of the feelings that welled up in him, Steve kept busy doing menial work.

He wouldn’t be able to tell how long it was before Tony reappeared, armor retracting to show the suit he was wearing underneath.

One look at his face told Steve that Tony had just sold his soul.

“What did you do?” He did his best to keep his voice level.

Tony flinched and took an unconscious step back. “I offered him my support.”

Steve clenched his fist. “Tell me that’s some kind of fucked-up joke.”

“Steve, look around you.” Tony gestured at the destruction around them. “Registration is happening, there is no way around it anymore. We need to control it. I have to take the lead in making everyone register.”

Steve visibly recoiled.

“If I don’t, someone worse will. We can’t afford to have the community split apart. Steve, please.”

Tony’s voice had been getting increasingly desperate.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Anthony?” Steve spit out. At the use of his full name Tony flinched.

“Steve, listen, please I-” 

“How could you do that? Do you have no shame? Where did your conscience go, huh? Did you ever have one?”

“What? I-”

“I can’t believe I ever thought dating you was worth the effort.”

Tears were making their way silently down Tony’s face. Steve could see that Tony’s knees were shaking.

“Are...Are you breaking up with me?” Tony asked, sounding small and scared.

Was he breaking up with Tony? At the moment Steve only knew one thing and that was that he couldn’t look at Tony any longer. Maybe it would be smarter to stay together, to hold onto the last shred of control Steve had over Tony. To do his best to instill humanity back into Tony, to turn him back into a person Steve could love.

It all came back to one question. Was he worth it?

“No. Not yet.” Steve finally said and Tony let out a relieved gasp. “I still believe you can change. But I can’t look at you right now.”

Without another look at Tony, he stalked off.

He went to the helicarrier, intending to fill out paperwork, hoping to calm down. But then he got confronted by Maria Hill, asked to hunt down everyone who wouldn’t register.

He refused.

He got shot at.

He defected.

He gathered everyone opposed to registration around himself. Tony was leading the charge on registration.

It was war.

4

“Isn’t this a pathetic sight?”

Steve’s rhetorical question cut through the fog that surrounded Tony’s brain. It hurt. After all that had happened in the last week, it still hurt. He and Steve had only seen each other in the streets while everyone around them was fighting. They had barely talked. Enough to confirm that they were broken up. That Tony had fallen so low that even Steve couldn’t find anything redeeming about him anymore. He was beyond saving.

Tony tried his best and it wasn’t good enough. He was never good enough. He broke everything he touched and made it worse. So much worse. The memory of lightning from the sky, Goliath falling, it made him want to throw up.

If he and Steve had never been a couple, maybe Tony would have been strong enough to stand opposed to him. He would have still been miserable of course, but he could have taken a stand.

Like this though? Knowing he had lost what he had and it was all his fault? Steve’s voice was constantly judging him in his head. Sneering, telling him what a disappointment he turned out to be, that he had never actually loved him.

Tony broke the night Steve used an EMP on him and the Thor clone had killed Goliath. It had been the first time they were actually visciously fighting against each other, barely holding themselves back from killing. He could feel the bile rising up in his throat at the memory of Steve’s bones breaking under his armor and the sight of Bill Foster lying dead on the ground. Afterwards, he went to the bar he kept stocked for his friends and drowned himself in alcohol. It was supposed to be just enough to quiet the mocking voice in his head that kept telling him about every little thing he had ever fucked up, but he had kept going until he couldn’t remember anything anymore.

And just like that Tony was back in the bottle. When he attended a meeting about the SHRA and they kept going on about their plans to contain the rogue heroes he realized he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep fighting Steve. He was too emotionally compromised. He was a failure and a disappointment to Steve and everyone he had tried and failed to protect. Nothing mattered anymore.

So he locked himself in his penthouse and drank.

Someone else took over for him, but Tony couldn’t be bothered to find out if it was Reed or someone else. Someone worse. It didn’t matter.

He could have tried and defected to Steve’s side. But he knew Steve wouldn’t take him back. Not after everything. Not after Bill’s death.

All Tony had wanted was to keep Steve safe. To keep the superhuman community safe. He had failed. Everything he touched he broke beyond repair.

“I didn’t expect you to be so weak,” Steve continued. “Back in the bottle. You can’t help yourself, can you?”

Steve’s voice was poison.

Tony still loved him and that made it worse.

He didn’t know why Steve was here, he didn’t understand what was happening at all.

Tony wanted to yell at him, ask him why and what and how, but the sounds got stuck in his throat.

Tony wanted to beg for forgiveness, to ask why Steve hadn’t trusted him, to… he didn’t know anymore.

“A man has to want to be helped Tony, we’ve been over this.”

Memories of a different time, a different house, flames, and Steve rescuing him. Was Steve here to rescue him again?

“Please,” Tony said, finally managing to get the words out. “Help me.”

He wanted Steve back. The life they had before.

“I tried my best this time, you have to know this,” Steve went on as if he hadn’t heard Tony. “But you’re so goddamn stubborn. You refuse to let anyone help. Honestly, I don’t think you’re worth the effort anymore. I can’t help you anymore. No one can. You're on your own.”

Tears began to burn in Tony’s eyes. Frantically, he tried to blink them away.

“Please.” He managed to pull himself up onto his knees and bow before Steve. “Please.”

But Steve just laughed at him and turned around.

“I just wanted to make sure that you’re truly beyond saving,” he called over his shoulder.

Tony was left alone in his penthouse, surrounded by alcohol and memories that hurt like shards of glass, while outside New York City was in flames.


End file.
